What about now. What about today

What about now. What about today


For the past few years,

I have been pursuing a dream.

A dream that is so close to my heart that I wish not to disclose it

even in the cover of anonymity.

All I have to say is that it has nothing to do with the matters of heart.

I have been oscillating through a wide range of emotions during this pursuit of mine.

It has brought me much pain,

made me lose faith and got me very depressed.

It has also helped me in discovering myself,

given me hope, faith.

It has been of a dual nature bringing me sadness and

happiness all at the same time.

I became a social recluse refusing to interact with the outside world except

for when it was absolutely necessary.

I have just retreated into a shell.

To sum it up,

it has cost me substantial amount of my time and energy.

Now even though I don't have the obsession that I had in the beginning,

the fire still burns.

I have kept trying hard to make my dream real.

On the way,

I have lost patience and gave up many times.

I have writhed in pain and despair and given up one day,

only to pick up where I left off the next day.

Even in the face of utter despair,

I have refused to give up.

Some times I feel like a crazy man who is trying to break a stone wall with bare hands.

Yet I continue (though ego hurts).

ps : Till the fat lady sings, i still wish to be the last samurai.

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Pics of fond memories

The ex-seniors

The board

Police officer. Air stewardess. Student

i know i look selenger...i know

ok..bye !

Slices of my crappy life

Slices of my crappy life



1) It's a happy world (macam real..)

Let's face it.

The world is not a happy place.

It's all about pain and suffering

and that's on its good days.

People suck and i'm pretty sure they do *wagbrow*.

And they are frequently mean.

Any advice predicated on a joyous planet were people live in harmony is bound to disappoint.

2) Bad luck is only temporary.

Try telling that to someone who's been in the hole for a few decades.

Good luck is based on?

On LUCK !

That don't call it luck if everyone gets it do they?

We all know it come in threes,

but for some that might just be three lifetimes?

It sucks to be them,

so you should be grateful for just about any small victory,

shouldn't you?

3) You don't have the answer ? Pretend to have one.

We are a culture of pretence

and pretend knowledge is just as good as the real stuff,

possibly even better.

Why not!

Who needs to understand physics when they can just make up their own,

simpler answers that are far far easier to learn.

Bad science is a hot practice.

1 boy + 1 girl = "chemical reaction"

interesting....

4) It's your fault, but you're not to blame

Gotta love a take charge attitude,

followed by a quick denial of responsibility.

If you're taking charge,

shouldn't you be big enough to shoulder at least some of the blame

when it completely blows up because you haven't got a clue?

Why is it that the people who like to lead are also the ones that like to dodge responsibility?

Weasel is a useful word here, isn't it?

hahaha...don't look at me, suckas

Well, that's it.

That's all I got.

It ain't much,

it's utter nonsense, i know.

It's five minutes of your life that you're never going to get back.

But at least you were entertained,

weren't you?

So, you owe me.

Big time.

Cash is preferred.

The sooner you hand it over,

the better you'll feel.

If I get super rich,

I may even give you a sequel.

Lucky you!

haha

ps : now you guys know how bored i am to be stucked at home for 10 days being exiled away from camp *sobs*

Bloody hell it's sunday aka BHIS

Bloody hell it's sunday aka BHIS



hahaha..my version of TGIF

I am awake.

It's still very early in the morning.

I'm feeling very happy and relaxed.

I just had a dream.

It was one of those dreams which I can't quite recollect,

but has left me with a sense of joy

and i can't quite put my finger down to point the exact reason of my joy.

Pelek tapi benar...tak bedek

I'm mildly irritated that my dream is cut short by a gentle caress on the back of my neck.

I roll around to find the cause of it.

I see the baby sleeping peacefully at the other end of the bed.

I lay there admiring the sight that lay before me.

It's so beautiful to see a baby and especially when it's asleep.

Heavenly sight.

The baby is far off,

in fact dangerously close to the edge of the bed.

It couldn't have been the baby which had brushed my neck.

While still cursing the mother "kepala pantat betol" for letting the baby unattended,

I wonder if it was her who had interrupted my dream.

I can't find her anywhere.

Still not completely lucid,

I feel that some thing's not right.

I'm not sure if I'm up or still inside a dream.

I turn on the light in order to check upon the baby.

As i turn to reach out to it,

I realize it all.

There's no baby there.

It's just a pile of clothes.

Standard ah..katel memang berserak pe..

Suddenly I feel a sense of reality.

Now I'm completely awake.

There's no baby because THERE IS NO BABY.

haha

I don't have one.

Nor is there any mother of the baby.

I'm still not married nor i have any girlfriend.

I'm single for god sakes.

I'm still sitting up.

Lights are on.

I'm wondering who got me up from my sleep.

The gentle brush on my neck feels real although I'm beginning to doubt my mind.

I finally decide to get back to sleep still wondering about the whole ordeal.

It's like one of the moments where the distinction between reality and the imaginary is blurred.

I re-organize my pillows trying to find that elusive comfort position to settle into.

As I'm at it,

I discover to my horror the real culprit that got me awake.

LIPAS LA BANGANG !

It's a god damn COCKROACH.

It's hiding in between the pillows.

It must have been the one trying to bite my neck.

Any last traces of sleep is finally gone.

I give out a high-pitched squeal (ni pat camp suare aku macho eh..delta company i/c katekan).

It's enough to make the neighbour's baby cry but clearly not potent enough to wake up my folks.

I scream again and again trying my best not to blow my throat out of the mouth.

After the third attempt,

my dad wakes up and we both team up and wage a battle against the little fella.

After five long long ardous minutes

and against a formidable enemy, haha

against all odds,

the enemy is overpowered,

killed.

NYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA !

We throw the poor, dead soul out into the thrash.

Dad goes back to sleep as if nothing's happened (standard ah..mcm tak tau gitu).

I can't sleep anymore.

Not on that bed at least.

I take bath.

How can I not?

Later on,

I flip through the TV channels to find anything interesting,

still thinking about the poor guy whose life I have ended mercilessly.

I see the time.

It's 05.30

Sunday morning.

And so begins my Sunday.

Aaaah Sundays used to be soooo relaxing.

hais..book in balek laaa nampaknye

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By the look of it,

i can say my early goodbye to OCT.

It's so heartbreaking to know the war is lost even before the battle began.