6-2

yesterdae was simply fantastic.nTo trashed ntu 6-2 in soccer friendlies.wooo.we were like bunch of 18 yr olds.except for me.i guess.o wait..theres me zee n that kundik,saravanan.the babies of nto.n our opponents looked like as if they have reached their prime.but surprisinly,they were only 23.yups.danG.simply awesome..got the chance to play almost the whole game.but damn it..i got my groin strain in the 70th min.i was like struggling chasing after the left winger.damn fast sia.but thankfully,due my "well-buit" body n my "exquisite" skill,i manage to pull off a few important tackles n headers.feel kinda proud of myself that day.i don't why i played that enthusiasticly yesterday.maybe because arsenal won the fa cup after a fierce battle.or maybe i just vent all my sadness during that match.i don't know.haiz.
danG..nxt wk school starts.danG after 7 long months of break.actually gonna treasure the last wk of my holix.n when school starts.gdbye history.hello future.alot of things happened during this 7 mths.alot of good things n bad things that happened.well of course,shall cherish every single one of them.the good memories reminds me of the great times.and bad memories actually make me stronger and wiser.yups.at least im more prepared for the future.the past is what the future holds.i should build on my past to make my future stronger.well,in order to make my future stronger,i shall let go of my past.saya ikhlas(i'm sincere)

if i die tonight/i taught you knew

seems like just yesterday

you were part of me

stood up so strong

wrap my loving arms around you so tight

it just feel so right

but now,feeling so empty

for the first time,feeling so ashamed of my life

barely hanging on to the broken pieces

-

a beautiful thing to many eyes

hazel eyes,im telling no lies

because of you,im so afraid

but i cant cry

i force myself to laugh everyday in my life

fake a smile

but whats behind the curtain

fire running wild

pray youre happy now

you got what you deserved

to think you're with another guy

it pains me so much inside

the loneliness of living alone

knowing i cant be saved

mistakes need to be atone

-

but if i die tonight

would you be there right beside

or ignorance's a bliss.if u think its right

if i die tonight

would i be able to see your smile once again

to at least cease my pain

if i die tonight

would i be forgiven

for the "cruelty" ive done to you

please forgive me,boo

if i die tonight

don't know what will happen to you,van

don't know how long would it take for you to belong to another man

God damn

but if i die tonight

i just want to tell you my world revolves around you

i just love you

i really taught you knew

self reflection

well i did a self reflection todae after doin 3 hrs of a maths..well i completed 3 online tests.hurray..ace them..haha.3 cheers..hip hip huray..haiz..kk..i was like thinking u noe after she left.everything seems so blur.so unclear.its like as if i can't do things right.her absence in my life is like a jinx.i dont know when this "curse" gonna end.she left me.rays of probs seems to emerge.u see my fam probs start to mutate.eversince my dad bought a car.everyone starts being so nice to my family n stuff.trying to take advantage.my dad tried selling his old "harley davidson"..wad de hell..its in gd condition.my neighbour wants it for $500.what the hell.my dad maintain the bike like mad.its in tip top condition yet he wants it for $500.go get some scrap pieces n make ur own becak la...haha..okies.then my neighbours are being so damn nosey.i dont know why buying a car can create such an impact.its not like as if my dad strike a lottery.fuck this shit man.well pardon the curses but i just haf to get it off my chest.cant stand human.now my neighbours tryin to be nice to my dad so that every mornin,he could send their kids to school.who do they think my dad is..their chaffeur..u want a car..go get one.dont try to step on my dad's head.i swear whoever tries to do that to any of my loved ones, i swear i "hunt" that person down.now im targetting my bro in law.simply hate him.he broke my fam's trust.now hes getting back with my sis so that he could extract all her money.one day.im sure enough to make him suffer.theres a saying.revenge is a dish best served cold.hais.i dont know.she left me leavin me so weak to move on in life.kinda sad la me.haha.kk..wadver it is..todaes the 3rd wk me being so..hmm..vulnerable.so fragile.so "brittle"..anything tts associate with weak..thats the condition im in right now.okies.if ure readin this,please open your heart once again..please dont jeapordised me..please..=(

o0o fries..lovely lovely fries...where art thou

haiz..today as usual..me will do nothing much..danG..this school holix is abit too long for me ah..i just cant stand sitting at home spending my precious time doing almost nothing..n oso the weather this days has definitely been fluctuating..its kinda bad for me..worst still,my skin is quite sensitive..now my back is like layered with zits.....yucks..simply yucks eh..damn...been drinking lots of water n this crappy herbal drink thingy...i really hope it would neutralize my body yin and yan...wadever its is,i just want my previous bouncy,supple bouncy skin back..oookies..enuff of that..hmm..today i just did whatever my mum ask me to do..yup..i mean since its school holix..might as well make myself useful..just help her buy things n stuff..prepare my own dinner..dont really want to like u know...tire her..okies..well other than helpin my mum..i did a maths..hell yea..2 1/2 hrs of pure a maths..yup..just me staring at the com den do all the sums..kinda ok i gess...i alwaes taught a maths is damn tough..but actually not really..hmm...yup..its just tt i just haf to look into the matter longer compared to e maths..n also,i must "visualise"..haha..still rmb that phrase..tts what mdm chang alwaes said to my class whenever we do maths..hmm..o0oya..my dad bought me fillet o fish meal for lunch..danG..damn it..theres fries in it..when i eat it..i just stared at it while holdin it..it reminds me of me eatin fries wit HER inside the crew room..haha...i can still rmb only me n her inside the rm alone together eatin fries...then suddenly ming feng came in...haha...must be damn ouch for him..haiz..those fond memories..sobx..it simply hurts la..if i cant one wish right now..i would like to have my past 5 months back..i just want it back..sobs..=(

TIRED...word of the day

dang..i feel soo eeeehhhhkk(lil john)..haha..today was so damn tiring..i started off the day by going to the mosque to perform my friday prayers..man..it was raining heavily..hmm..blessing from God,i suppose..i mean the weather has been so damn bad lately..fuu..padang masyar dok..haha..even stay at home oso still can sweat like mad...hmmm..worst..wit my fan blastin..still hot sia...hais..o0oya..back to todaes outin..hmm..o0oya..when i reach darusallam mosque..haha...tak ya mandi..haha...soaked..drenched..abit redundant ah..ookies..hmm..after prayers..damn it.left the mosque..forgot to take back my umbrella..not just an ordinari umbrella...giodarna umbrella eh...haiz...nampak sah nanti kene cope la..haha..okies..after that.me n g unit plus long john..the co member member of the gang..went to al ah meen to have our lunch..yuck was the best word to describe my meal..haha...wad de..totally regretted orderin nasi merah..daging merah..haha...i haf to force down my $3.50 meal eh..haiz..damn sad eh..okies...after our meal...hmm...we head down to qnsway shoppin centre at 4pm..me actualli planning to get myself a pair of shoes...but shit sia..the presto shoe that i want..haiz...unfortunately no size for me..then..no bucks got himself a nike football shirt...okies....den yada yada yada...walk aroun the smelly s.centre..den not many eye candy i must say..haha...but me n 50rm spot this hot mama...but i find her abit clumsy ah...haha..i was eatin my 2 chicken paus n 50 was comparin the paus with the ladies "paus'..i was like..hmm...no eh...more like...hmm...watermelon..haha..kk...enuf rob banks...*slaps slaps*..haha...hey..50..i told u my milkshake was nice..u noe when i drank that....haha..reminds me of the song 'milkshake'..by kellis....haha.enough crapping...haiz..on the way home..o0oya...sat wit meen..then talk bout stuffs..u noe im sayin.haha..okies...o0oya..last nite i had a dream bout her..haiz..man she was with her gd fren,su mei..haiz..i dreamt i patched up with her..haiz..out of so many places..y must it be inside the bus..haha..n o0oya...her friend..was woooa..kinda hot in my dream..haha..ookies..serious business here..hmm...yea..i donoe whether that day will really come..haiz..all i want frm good Lord are just guidance,strength,revelations and lastly,love..yups..i aint asking much..yups..thats all i want from You...hais..well..for now i just have to wait...

bleeding

well early this mornin,i wrote a rhyme for u guys to see.yup.took me hmmm...20 min to complete the whole thingy..hmm.haiz..definitely straight from my heart..i felt the pinch when i wrote my latest piece.hais..i badly,truly miss her.u know just now..in the toilet, i actually got a huge cut on my middle finger.cause i wasn't aware of what i was doing.i just kept thinking of her.i donoe how my middle finger hit the edge of my toilet "shelf"..haha...my dad created one for the toilet..dang it hurts..okies..den i tried the most stupid thing ever..i took lots of salt n apply it on my wound..haha...woo...fuuu...u should know whats my reaction..haha...but then again,i think to myself again..this physical pain aint nothing compared to what im feeling inside..yup..what makes the internal pain even more excrutiating is that people cant even see it..maybe because my "acting" skill is simply too "marvellous"..haha..only my gd frens can actualli sense the pain im going through..did you know our eyes are actually window to our feelings? yup.danG..hais..if only i could prove to her and her parents that what i have for her is sincere.but hey..patience is virtue that i really need to possess now.just wait for the time to ripe..strike while the iron is still hot..but then again..i must always remember..i decide what to do...i plan what to do...but only God gives the final decision.yup.hmm.its indeed a risk that im taking.okies.shall not brag on this matter for today before you guys get bored.so i just end here ya..aight..tell u guys more about the tales of hidayat tml ya...insyaAllah(with God's will)...=] [enjoy the rhyme that i wrote for u guys]

another dae..another mile

man..i just got to know tt my life is just like an education institute.haha.i just haf learn lots of prob n of cause,learn to solve them.yup.its kinda suck i gess.okies.firstly..i dono y my parents' fam like to sever ties with my fam.its not like as if we did any wrong to them.every move tt my fam made..they will somehow track us down..they seem to stick their eyes on us.o0oya.about their mouth..simply cant shut.the main topic they will talk bout is my fam.wads up wit tt man..okies..just now...my mum told me bout my dad's history..its kinda sad ah..u noe..when he was young..he alwaes been beaten up by his mum..she kinda reminds me of the klumps..haha..ookies..he alwaes haf to take the blame.eventhough he was not in the wrong.its kinda sad huh....he belongs to a rich fam..but sadly money cant realli buy love..it prolongs until now..my grandma..yes..unfortunately still kicking..still hates him..haiz...she will go round n bad mouth my dad..i realli pity him..no wonder he alwaes shower his kids wit lots of love n money..hehe..ookies..enuff wit tt..n o0oya...my parent's marriage.my grandma didn't reali gave her blessings..she tried her v best just to break up my mum n my dad while i was still in my mummy's womb..man..shes damn evil...my mum told me she once had a dream bout her..my grandma was like chokin..graspin for air in hell..my gdness..kinda freaky..hmmm...my dad's siblings had nv been in gd relations wit my dad..it applies to my mum's side too.until now..i dont even noe some of uncles n aunts..wel..i don wish to noe after listenin to all this stories.im kinda impressed by my parents..u see...ppl tried their very best to destroy their marriage but they still hold on to each other..hmm..its v much like a fairytale...but a less beautiful endin..hais..enuff of their probs..i still got my sis probs..man...i still got mine.my fam probs will never seem to end..sometimes,i just wish my fam is totalli not related to this idiots.how i wish that could happen..its such a disgrace to regard those animals as my flesh and blood..well almost..simply repulsive..haiz..but for now..i just haf to pray to Him so that all this could just end..hais..okies...enuff of all the pain in the ass..todae..theres a new addition to my fam..haha..the hyundai matrix..rock on.haha...tt also means i don haf 2 travel to school takin the bus..oryt..haha..tight man..but dang...my dad still don want to sell his 'harley davidson'..my mum saes he might be reservin it for me..hmmm..haha...cant realli imagine myself riding a huge two wheels monster.haha..can u imagine me wearin the helmet...den wit my retro ray ban shades..haha...fuuu..but dont want ah..riding motorcycle definitely not my cup of tea..i prefer cars u noe..haha...but for now..i just stick to studies rather than driftin myself to those dreams..hmm..talkin bout dreams..liverpool did the impossible out of nothing eh..haha..i wasnt referin to they qualifyin themselves to the final...but they manage to score a goal within 4 min..haha...my gdness..liverpool eh...shitty team...can score tt early against chelsea..haha..my gdness..whats ronk wit chelseas defense..maybe because john terry sufferin frm ego inflation until he didnt defend properly..haha..maybe..but chelsea's lost taught me sometin..giants can be beaten by 'miggets'..haha...this is indeed a great example..ookies..maybe i talk to much todae..to dear readers..if you dont know what to do after readin this..move the cursor n click the [x] button at the top right hand corner..aight....gdbye...

wad a dae

haiz..man..todae i gess is kinda exhaustin..woke up aroun 3 am just to watch arsenal's match..haha..wooo...2-0 baby...man..they reali kick west bromich ass..its rili gd to see arsenal back to their usual form..hmm...the winning daes..yup..okies..after the match..well did my mornin prayers n yea...as usual..go back to slp..zZz..yup..woke up i tink 12 30..haha...nv bathe or anytink..me quickly switched on the com n start wit my a maths revision..haha..toking bout a amaths..its a bit like emaths but its more..abstract la..haha..but overall kinda okla.yup..den end at bout 3 45..hmm..roun 430...me head down to the gym..buff up my 'buffed up' body..haha...o0oya..i saw leonard tan too at de gym..todaes workout was kinda tirin ah..coz i rili push myself to the max..my tighs were slightly tense n my "big,bulging biseps"..for short triple b..hehe..my gdness..were kinda strain..as i was so mother lovin tired..okies...stop...balek ah....hmm...roun 7..den chicken mc nugget...rainin sei...haha..wad de..haiz..but u see..evendoe my life looks normal...but deep down inside me..man..ouch..bleedin slowly..missin her badly..hais..its realli painful to see ur loved ones been taken away frm you by forced..but well...i just haf to respect her parents decision..they are doin whats best for her...n yea...but if shes happy this way.den i gess i haf 2 be happy ryt...hmmm..so watever it is..i just pray to God..so watever He has in store for me...i shall accept them wit arms wide open....=]

alo alo ppl

hey guys..this is..i gess my new blog..haha..the open diary is long tym history baby..so before i start throwin out my craps..just wanna tell u...im hidayat..the one n onli.yup.hehe...okies..i would consider myself as mr lonely.hais..u noe ppl..sometimes the past is wad de future holds..must let go of ur past to make ur future stronger..but its seems tt lettin go of my past seem to be so damn excrutiating.its easy for ppl to sae..o0o common...shes just a gerl..there r so many fishes in the sea..i donoe bout tt..i mean c'mon..i aint gd lookin...i aint charmin...i aint gerls dream boat man....im not like my oder g unit members like 50rm n no bucks...they r definitely up for grabs...yupx..gd looks..simply smooth wit the gerls...just look at me.i aint nobody, ppl..sometimes i just wish God would gif me suave looks n stuff..but hey..den i tink to myself...God is fair..there is beauty in me...but its just tt it takes tym to dig for it..hmm...o0oya..back to HER..yes..wad we haf..or i must sae used 2 haf was indeed special..i nv felt so special..i nv felt so much love before..she love me for whom i am n not for what i am...i appreciate tt...i truly do..i mean c'mon...deres alot of gd lookers hum she rejected n instead,she picked up diz dirty,old rag...haha....haiz....but evi tink seems 2 like ended up in a catastrophe..but wadever it is..i just remain optimistic..i must trust God's plan..i shalln't cry because its over.but instead..smile because it realli happen to me..=)